Getting Even The nasty man gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When her husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steamed cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid for to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit ... repairmen refused to work in the house ... the maid quit ... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a large sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back ... knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed to the price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyer delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ... including the curtain rods

	The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the government pay for this research??)   __________________________________   In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?).   _____________________________________________   In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)   _________________________________   In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)   __________________________________   There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?).   ____________________________________   The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than "going blind!"). Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

	PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS NUTS!  In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)   ___________________________   Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England -but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!).   __________________________________   In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)   _______________________________   I like this: An elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection." The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!" The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."   ______________________________   Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?).   _______________________________   The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!).   _______________________________________   Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.  (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?).

	An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.)   Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that! too)   ________________________________   A plane is on its way to Melbourne, Australia when a blonde in Economy  Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she's paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that  belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she is only entitled to an ! economy seat and she will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!" Exasperated the copilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm sorry- I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. The Pilot replied, " I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne"   ______________________________   Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?)   _____________________________   Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez)